Mr. B. You’re back again. Nothing bad on the digestive front, I hope.
No. Selig. I actually came by to talk with you about something important. To get your advice. Can we sit down and chat?
Sit down, sir? This is a washroom. The only places where we could…
Point taken. We can chat standing. Do you know what a political action committee is, Selig? A PAC?
Yes sir. They’re things that promote free speech. They free the media from the clutches of socialist indigents and allow decent rich people to finally get a hearing.
Exactly, Selig. Though I’m surprised a washroom attendant like yourself has this sophisticated level of understanding.
It’s because I listen to a lot of a.m. talk radio when no one else is around, sir. One of my friends is also the attendant at the Supreme Court men’s room in Washington, and he keeps me up to date on the court’s thinking about money and free speech.
The Supreme Court, you say. I’ve always wondered something about those people. Those long black robes they wear. When they have to use a washroom, how do they…you know…how do they manage…never mind. I need your advice on something else, Selig.
I live to serve, sir.
Indeed you do, Selig. Indeed you do. Here’s the thing. Some of the gang here at Goldman are thinking of contributing to a PAC. Naturally this will be chump change for us, but for people in Washington its crumbs to die for.
I’m a bit short of cash right now, Mr. B. Maybe you could come around at Christmas time if I get a bonus this year.
No need to grovel, Selig. I’m not here for a contribution. I just need some advice. The actual contributors would be the firm’s top earners, the best and brightest people, the job creators, the fighters for an opportunity society. Our problem is that being so bright and working so hard to create jobs, we don’t have time for much contact with little people like yourself. In my own case, except for a gardener who I can’t understand half the time, you’re the only little person I meet with on a regular basis.
Perhaps if you changed your diet, sir. That taco parlor you frequent. You might try eating lunches elsewhere, too.
Focus, Selig. Focus. The focus here is on which party — from your average little person perspective — should get our free speech. Should get our money. They both slobber for it. And no matter what they say at election time, they’ll both do our bidding after the election. But I still need your opinion on which to support with our free speech.
Why do you care about my opinion, sir, if both parties are in your pocket anyway?
Because, Selig, in the event that Wall Street brings the world economy to the brink of disaster yet again, people like you will be called upon for another massive bail out. And we want to be sure the folks in power in Washington then are folks who also had little people’s support this election season. So we all share the blame.
I hope you won’t think I’m sucking up, Mr. B, when I say your thinking here is brilliant, and you are one far-sighted investment banker.
Of course I think you’re sucking up, Selig. That’s expected. Now…into which trough do you suggest we throw some chump change slops?
What the heck, Mr. B. Give ‘em both a taste. It’s only fair to PAC the pair.
‘It’s only fair to PAC the pair.’ Very good, Selig. Even rhymes. I like it. I always seem to come up with good ideas — and good catch phrases like this — when I come down here.
A surprising number of Goldman guys achieve clarity in this very washroom, sir. Up for another visit to Booth #8?
Lead on, McDuff. With your help, I am now Booth 8 ready.
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